Known & Loved... simultaneously??
I am hesitant. I am cautious. I am extremely aware of every possible risk that comes with letting someone in. Is it safe? Are they guaranteed to not reject me? How can I be sure? I cannot. Yet I long deeply to be known. I long for someone to unravel the tightly wound parts of me that scream "I have it all together". I long for someone to see me for me and not the projection that fear tells me to keep up leaving me depleted and exhausted. I long to let go of the "acceptable" representation of myself and the one that keeps me safe from harm. After all, if you don't truly know me, you cannot truly hurt me... you are only rejecting the parts of me that I have let you see. The parts that are tough. Vulnerability is weakness. These are lies that I have spent most of my life battling ferociously. And mostly when it comes to relationships. But something the Lord has taught me and continues to teach me through relationships on earth as well as my relationship with him is that to be truly known is a risk that is worth taking when love is on the line. Maybe some of you can relate to this.
In order to be fully known, every part ought to be unveiled. Even the ugly parts, the dark parts, and the parts that the world or someone in your life may have deemed unacceptable or unloveable. We are aware of the darkness inside of us. We are aware that we hide parts of ourselves for a reason. But it feels like the only possibility if we want to feel loved.
But here is a revelation that I received not long ago and has changed everything. Jesus died for all of me. He gave it all for the sake of the world and for every part of me and my heart, because knowing it all, He still said I was worth it. He knows me and He loves me for me.
I find the paradox in that we so often try to hide the parts of ourselves that feel unloveable, and we do so in hopes to be loved. In reality, it is only when we unveil these parts and allow His light to be shed on them that we feel the most loved and the most free. We as humans want desperately to feel known and loved... simultaneously.
The trouble with being human is finding those other humans who will allow you to feel known and who will truly love you for you. Know that you are worth that and nothing less. You are made in the image of God in his likeness, created for a greater glory, for a beautiful purpose. There is so much brokenness and abuse in our relationships that will tell us otherwise. But I challenge you to choose to feel known by a God who wants to know you more than anything, by first getting to know Him. It might be painful at first. Becoming face to face with your own hurt. But it is necessary to gut out the hurt in order to create space. Seeing and understanding the Lord's heart for you will fill the empty space.
You are loved, friends. I hope you enjoy this song I feel the Lord's given me to express these truths, and my own thoughts and feelings surrounding them.